Buhtt sex?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
