ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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