I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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