no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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