Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
