ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your penis caused this!
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