I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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