So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
