At least make sure they are 18
Why
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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