I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
