I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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