What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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