Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
