it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
