Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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