***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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