weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
