I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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