she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
