He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
