can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
