were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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