Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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