Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
