what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
