It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
