i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
that may or may not have been my penis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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