4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
