I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
