K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
