THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
