shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
