I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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