You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
