I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
