Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
