I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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