do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm passing your future prison.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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