one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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