My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
