i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
