Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
