So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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