so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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