hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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