are you so shy because you have an std?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
