I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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