I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
