she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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