Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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