I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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