I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
