don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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