God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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