Your face is a jimmy john
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We just shotgunned beers for America
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
