don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
