just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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