Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
