let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
