We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
honey bunches of taint.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
