i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have demons in me.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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