...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
