his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
