I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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