it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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