We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
