Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
