Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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