Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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