Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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