i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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