drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
