just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
