I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
