I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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